Dirty Lola, Mr. Pent, Frisky Fairy, and Dylan Thomas reconnect over long distance relationships both won and lost as imbalances in visibility and availability, unequal communication, issues stemming from mental illness, and the lack of setting expectations threaten to spoil a relationship type that can be incredibly rewarding... with some preparation and coordination.
This is the Gentleperverts Social Club, and though we may be the ones talking… we can be a platform or you. Feel free to submit a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a discussion topic to me at email@example.com.
Dirty Lola, Rebecca Hiles, Dylan Thomas, and Mister Pent get together at Catalyst Midwest 2016 to discuss how to navigate alternative lifestyle communities!
You can find Dirty Lola on Twitter @DirtyLola
You can find Rebecca Hiles on Twitter @TheFriskyFairy
You can find Chris Pent on Twitter @MisterPent
You can find Dylan Thomas on Twitter @DylanTheThomas
While enjoying time at Desire Resort and Spa, we watched, waited, and realized our suffering through the 2016 Election would continue, but we decided to acknowledge the election and move on, for when we returned home we'd have work to do, and there was no work to be done while "stuck in Mexico". So, Chris Pent. Dr. Liz Powell and myself, with Tonia as our willing hostess and facilitator, decided to talk about:
Closing the Deal
Being sexually free means potential surrounds you, but it can be a real challenge to find someone you're attracted to and to ask them to join you in a way that allows for multiple chances for success, and for graceful failures.
We are the Gentleperverts Social Club, You can find more Gentleperverts’ Social Club podcasts every month at www.gentleperverts.com and discuss our latest episodes and topics on twitter with @GentlePerverts and on the Swingset.FM network hashtag #SSFM on twitter.. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on Twitter, Facebook, Spotify and Fetlife. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic, send that over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I'm happy to open our doors again, because tonight we have one hell of a show for you. Team Ass & Titties stopped by to discuss gettin’ booty, ghosting, and being terrible at hookups, and Morgan stops by with the entire Bridgetown Sexy team to talk about finding nonmonogamy, discovering new partners, and swinging.
Gettin' Booty, Gettin' Feelings
The Ass & Titties crew, aka: Dirty Lola, Mr. Pent, and the Frisky Fairy decide to get together and talk about gettin’ some booty, and getting a little extra feelings along the way. They find you don’t have to shy away from feelings, you need to occasionally be exceptional at communicating expectations, or you get to make some uncomfortable choices.
Finding Non-Monogamy, New Partners, Swinging, Clubs, with the Bridgetown Sexy crew!
Morgan and Cole invite themselves over to Liz and Jack's place to listen to them tell their origin story. Jack introduces Morgan and Cole to naked story telling as he and Liz talk about discovering swinging, discovering new partners, and discovering kick-ass swinger clubs.
Ghosting: It Sucks, It's Useful
Dirty Lola, Mr. Pent, and the Frisky Fairy chat ghosting and find that sometimes... ghosting's the safest way to let someone down. Safety concerns, unpleasant interactions, and current societal expectations go into the math on deciding whether to let someone down, or to quietly let someone go.
Everything here, no matter where it was recorded, is all part of the Gentleperverts Social Club, You can find more Gentleperverts’ Social Club podcasts every month at www.gentleperverts.com and discuss our latest episodes and topics on twitter with @GentlePerverts and on the Swingset.FM network hashtag #SSFM on twitter.. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on Twitter, Facebook, Spotify and Fetlife. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic send that over to me at email@example.com.
Tonight's episode featured music by Soupandreas titled: Over You.
Online Dating While Femme
We discuss why men behave badly while trying to date women, including name calling, shaming, negging, as we try to figure out... what the hell is the expected return on messages like that? Are men just trying to keep women in line for the next man? Why can't men take rejection gracefully? What do you do with "nice guys" when they just don't know any better, can they be socialized into changing? While we briefly consider that public shaming can sometimes be a powerful tool we approach online discussions and how men can back women up when discussions start to go wrong.
You can find WetCoastCat at www.lifeontheswingset.com/author/kat/ and on twitter @wetcoastkat. You can find Flick on twitter @seriousFLICK. You can find DirtyLola and her podcast, Sex Ed A. Go Go at www.sexedagogo.com and find her on twitter @DirtyLola.
Trigger Warnings and Spoilers
Nobilis Reed and D Dog discuss trigger warnings after making a connection between the the function of trigger warnings and the effort to limit movie spoilers.
Nobilis Reed is the creator and host of the best speculative fiction erotica podcast in the known universe. He's also an author, anthology editor, and self-avowed social justice cleric. His podcast can be found at nobilis.libsyn.com and you can find him on twitter @nobilis.
All this was recorded at the Gentleperverts’ Social Club. You can find more Gentleperverts’ Social Club podcasts every month at www.gentleperverts.com and discuss our latest episodes and topics on twitter with @GentlePerverts and me @DylanTheThomas. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on Facebook, Spotify and Fetlife as DylanTheThomas. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic send that over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you like having this podcast, throw me a buck or two per episode at tip.gentleperverts.com.
We all know that as non-monogamous perverts, we’re completely above jealousy. It’s 100% full-time compersion up in here! Except we’re not, and it’s not. Jealousy affects all our relationships for so many different reasons. Different people and situations trigger jealousy bombs in sometimes unexpected ways.
@wetcoastkat and @seriousFLICK discuss jealousy in many of its iterations, what it means, what it doesn’t mean, why some people cause you to Hulk out while others might inspire giddy compersion rainbows and why rules don’t always work in the shadow of their coming out and their trip to Desire. They also discuss what they have done to decrease the harm jealousy can do in their open relationship.
You can find WetCoastCat at www.lifeontheswingset.com/author/kat/ and on twitter @wetcoastkat. You can find Flick on twitter @seriousFLICK.
Hey Perverts, Dylan here…
I had this insane conversation with a dude, just earlier today, someone who was complaining that women get to do men don’t do. “It’s just like reverse racism!” “See? Women have it better.” And the thing is… I get it. I get where that might come from, sometimes things seem unfair, especially to men, men who have been taught they need to earn a woman’s affection meaning, if they just show enough devotion, put in enough effort, and demonstrate they can provide, and any woman out there worth anything should want to be with them.
Men have been taught to worship women and to work themselves to the bone for someone so they don’t have to.
I get it.
We’ve been setup to sacrifice ourselves for someone else, someone else who wants us to sacrifice for them and who will show us their eternal appreciation by opening their hearts, their minds and yes… their legs.
But that’s the thing, we’ve been setup, by the men and women in our lives, by our parents, by our cultures, by the people we’ve cared about our entire lives because they didn’t know any better. We’ve been set-up to feel like if someone doesn’t want that they’re ungrateful.
It’s insidious, and it does us nothing but harm and it sets us up to get left at the doorstep when we walk someone home or get left without a drinking partner when we buy someone a few drinks or don’t get a thank you when we hold a door open or when we don’t get brought home when we buy someone dinner, because we –expect something- based on what we put out.
We’ve been set up.
Thing is, women have been setup too, we’ve all been setup, and the more people figure it out, the more the people who haven’t figured it out get angry because we’re not getting what we’re supposed to, because the world has changed and women faster than men are changing meaning we’re getting left behind.
But it doesn’t have to be like that.
If you’re listening to this and connecting to any of the frustrations I laid out above then know there’s a better way. Many women don’t need or want us to lay down our lives for them, they don’t want to be put on a pedestal and worshipped, they don’t want to be provided for… they just want to be people, and move with people that understand no one owes anyone anything… and that means us. If we want to be with someone, be with women, and be listened to, friends with, cared for, and loved by women, it needs to be a meeting of equals and a mutual meeting of minds, meeting of hearts, and yes… a mutual meeting of bodies.
And if you don’t get that, know this.
Women don’t give a fuck what you think or what you want, because they don’t have to, because giving a fuck… That… is something you have to earn.
Check out these articles by Rafaella Gunz about her experiences seeking support in STI communities and… being hit with men feeling like she’s open for business, and being hit with men and women hitting her with “it’s just benign, it’s just harassment, deal with it”.
Take a few minutes to read, even if you decide not to agree with all of us, understand where she’s coming from and where women come from every day.
Thanks for letting me rant a little, and to honor the fact that this will be my very last rant of 2015 I’ll close out by telling you that all of this was recorded at The Gentleperverts’ Social club, population, all of us. You can find more Gentleperverts’ Social Club podcasts every month at www.gentleperverts.com and discuss our latest episodes and topics on twitter with @GentlePerverts and me @DylanTheThomas. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on Facebook, Spotify and Fetlife as DylanTheThomas. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic send that over to me at email@example.com. If you like having me record live and on location, throw me a buck or two at tip.gentleperverts.com.
See you all next time, and stay warm.
Perverts! Stand at attention and lend me your ears, for tonight… we once again dive into language, we dive into our common vocabulary because sometimes we throw words around without regard to their roots and their original meaning. Words are understood and misunderstood, used and misused, and in the process words lose meaning. Words that lose their meaning can still useful. We can discuss, reexamine, and reclaim the words we’ve lost and in this spirit today, with Crista Anne and with Erin Kennedy, we spend our time discussing…
We also touch on helicopter parenting generating “adults” who expect the world to adjust to them, and how shielding children from the reality that trauma exists in the world renders them unprepared to deal with the real world and we talk about storytelling and touch on Orange is the new Black and Jessica Jones
For people who are thrown into flashbacks or full blown panic attacks (don’t know who you are, lose touch with reality, lose touch with time), they are just absolutely invaluable, to me, and as they have become more popular over time I have found navigating the internet to be so much easier.
There’s an inherent privilege as to what gets trigger warnings.
…I think it’s a balance between protecting people and protecting ourselves and making sure that we have the stuff that empathy is created out of…. Balancing between keeping yourself safe emotionally and also doing the work of empathy, however painful that is, is a tough balance to create.
You can find Erin Kennedy at www.sexfortherest.com and on twitter @erinstwitsexual and on facebook at facebook.com/sexfortherest and… and because she’s awesome, on Tumblr at sexfortherestofus.tumblr.com.
Hello and many Greetings to all you perverts, I’m recording live from Desire Resort & Spa in Cancun, Mexico! Earlier today I sat down with upwards of thirty, and likely many less than two hundred perverts for a discussion about spaces. What makes a space special? What helps make people feel safe? What makes a space a focal point for a community?
As we moved through a “how do we find other perverts” discussion, we stumbled on the question of what it means to stay closeted and to come out these days, drawing parallels and differences between the nonmonogamous and queer communities, and examining how it’s possible to win the hearts and minds of others when engaging them “behind enemy lines”.
Usually I’d have a little more to say, but I’m all talked out… and kissed out, and blissed out… I mean, really, if you’ve never made out with a tequila flavored shotglass…. You should give it a try.
But before you search for a shotglass with a flared base, this has been… quite literally, been a recording taken at the Gentleperverts’ Social Club, on location, in Mexico. You can find more Gentleperverts’ Social Club podcasts every month at www.gentleperverts.com and discuss our latest episodes and topics on twitter with @GentlePerverts and me @DylanTheThomas. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on Facebook, Spotify and Fetlife as DylanTheThomas. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic send that over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you like having me record live, on location, throw me a buck or two at tip.gentleperverts.com.
Thanks for listening, and I hope to hear from you all soon.
Hi all, Dylan here, It's been a while since I convened the club, and on the eve of my trip to Mexico after a long... long time without a break, I decided to put out a half-length show to whet your whistle and get you ready for the -seriously- biting episode we have in the pressure cooker. For now, enjoy some music, enjoy a story, and enjoy my wife and I having a bit of a chat.
Segment 1, Dylan's Feels
I've had an exceptionally rough year and I'm getting past it but for some reason a particular song made me sit and feel everything all at once because, disregarding lyrics (words? who listens to music for words?!), this song felt like my life. Enjoy Varien - Valkyrie III: Atonement (feat. Laura Brehm) and thanks for sticking with me during the rough times.
Segment 2, Storytime With Kat
Segment 3, Dylan's Feels ..... again?
A chance encounter at the store on the way to a party sparks a conversation between Dylan and Tonia. It touches on a little paternalism, a little ownership, a little creepy dude ... and maybe a little oversensitive Dylan.
You can find more Gentleperverts podcasts every few weeks on Friday at www.gentleperverts.com and discuss our latest episodes and topics on the site or by pinging us on twitter at #GPSC or @GentlePerverts. You can find me, Dylan Thomas, on twitter, Facebook, Spotify and Fetlife as DylanTheThomas and you can support me and the club at tip.gentleperverts.com. If you have a submission, a story, a signal boost request, or an idea for a topic send that to email@example.com.
Thanks, and I'll pour an alcoholic smoothie down my wife's throat in all your honors.
This episode featured music from:
Varien - Valkyrie III: Atonement (feat. Laura Brehm)
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3g34ZSm8PqI
iTunes Download Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/valkyrie-iii-atonement-feat./id1048219775
Deon Custom - Aloha
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTAf5h_t3KY
iTunes Download Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/aloha-single/id1049816302
Televisor - Break Loose (feat. Splitbreed) (Volant Remix)
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgZPwsNHRIk
iTunes Download Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/monstercat-024-vanguard/id1052327587
Pegboard Nerds - Emoji
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgZPwsNHRIk
iTunes Download Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/monstercat-024-vanguard/id1052327587
Ahhhh… it’s good to see my people again. Welcome back perverts. Many of you travel and have taken the time record a little bit of yourselves. Today I reward your efforts! This is truly a milestone, truly a day worthy of song and drink. It is the day I release a Gentleperverts Social Club where [...]
Welcome back Perverts! So I’ve settled on twice a month instead of every two weeks. DEAL WITH IT. If you want more, contribute more! Put me out of podcast word talking business! Ignore my reality and substitute your own by sending your thoughts, your clips, your, to quote Donald Trump, your whatever, to firstname.lastname@example.org and [...]
Welcome Back Perverts! There’s been a whirlwind of activity around here and personally I’m damn excited about what we’ve got for you. Today’s show is in five parts; Ginger and the Professor visit a bar with an on-location Intellectual Foreplay to discuss ways of addressing labels and norms within groups, Michelle Renee arranges an Independence [...]
Greetings Perverts! Today we have a three part show! TheTrojanKitten finally gives into my wish and tells us her bad OKCupid Date I call, “Don’t start a date by telling someone you’re a pathological Liar”. Dirty Lola tells The Frisky Fairy and me her Sexual Superhero Origin Story, and I get some angst out about [...]
Today we have five opportunities for you to sit down at the social club, relax, listen… and possibly disagree about every damn thing you year, but that’s ok. We’ll start out with a discussion about Bisexual visibility, what it means to be queer, men losing their agency, and writing rules… because boobs. You can safely [...]
Tonight, the social club hosts a discussion on consensual objectification vs. tokenization, a story that left the storyteller wondering, “Is he going to kill me, and is he at least going to get me off first?”, an intimate hot-tub side chat about NRE, Passion, and love for our existing partners and how they aren’t mutually [...]
We talk with the Frisky Fairy (friskyfairy.com) and Katie Mack (thecarnalcopia.com) about gaming naked, OKCupid, queer ninjas, confessions, fetlife connections and near misses, bottoms and misnomers, rectifying your kinks with your activism (frothing, rabid feminist v. being into daddy/little girl, age play, submissive / not being equal) and about gender politics getting in the way of [...]